How do we respond to criticism?
We had interviews for a position I was hiring for. After the interviews, as per the process I sent out an email to the candidate who did not make it and offered him the opportunity to speak, so he could understand the reasoning for why he was not selected—which is also part of the process for internal employees. We had known each other for over a decade and this person had been my direct report for about 4 years. He did not take it well—not the decision itself, but the way I communicated his non-selection over email. He felt it was cold and merely a form, and felt disrespected, and told me I was a coward. We have enough of a safe space that he could express all of that to me in great detail, while being emotional for about 10 minutes. I didn’t know how to feel as I heard his words, but the Lord was helping me in the moment to respond and I apologized to him for the way I had dealt with it—there were better ways to deliver the same message. He mentioned a couple of times that he would be reconsidering his current role given these events, suggesting that he would leave his current role. He seemed to indicate that our friendship, as it had existed, was over for good.
After the conversation, I sent him a text apologizing and pointing to the fact that the Lord knows there was no malicious intent behind the note, but noting that there were better ways and I had fallen short. He has not responded—not that I expected he would, but I hoped he would.
It still hurts, as I think about the events and ponder ways I could have done things differently and better. He is a dear friend to me, at least from my side, even now. I am praying for the possibility of reconciliation and redemption even through this difficult circumstance. I had an opportunity to process the dialogue and pray with my colleagues at Merck. I would ask you to pray for us, as the Lord who knows all things will work all things for His glory and our good.
This incident (re)surfaced the question of how I respond to criticism, deserved or not. How do you respond to criticism?
Several portions of scripture (Psalm 22, Matthew 5) and other brothers praying for me have helped me handle this situation, not yet over, but I am by the grace of our Lord reminded that our identity is not in what we do but in whose we are, as we heard in the sermon, loud and clear. While I want to turn to many things either to justify myself or to show that I am not the person that I was judged to be, the Spirit prompts me to turn to our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ our great Shepherd of the sheep who has sent His comforter the Holy Spirit to us and to turn to His body that He has given to us as a great gift until all things are made new.
John 6:68. Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.
Uphold this person and me in your prayers that the glory of the Lord will be revealed even through this trying circumstance and that my approach would be like the Savior’s. “Where are you?” He calls out to us—sinners, rebels, and cowards.
Genesis 3:8-9. Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. But the LORD God called to the man, “Where are you?”
Donald Thampy serves as an Elder at GRC.